First, a little clarification. Most sperm banks use the term “ID Open” to mean a donor who agrees to have his contact information released by a sperm bank to a child at 18 or older, at the child’s request. AT PRS, we term our donors “willing to be known” (WTBK) because we go one step further: they’re required to sign a contract that they’ll have at least one meeting with a child.

These contacts will increasingly take place via real-time video technology such as Skype. After this conversation, both the donor and the child must agree to any additional communication. Although after so many years we cannot guarantee contact, the large majority of requested meetings do happen.

In my many years as a donor coordinator, I have interviewed thousands of potential donors. We accept less than 1 in 25 into our program. Almost all of our accepted donors are WTBK because our primary focus is to meet the special needs of lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual women who want to form alternative families. They typically have a deep interest in having as much knowledge as possible available to their children, should they wish it.

Our WTBK donors tend to share some special characteristics that make them willing to enter what is, after all, a serious, long-term commitment. They are paid more than anonymous donors but that is only one motivation. They tend to be empathetic people who can put themselves in the place of a child who might someday want to know more about his or her origins. Also, they are supportive of women who want to form alternative families and typically have friends or family members who have done so. They really want to help make that dream possible.

This WTBK donor expresses the sentiments of many when he says:

“I’m in my last year of law school and I won’t deny the extra income is pretty helpful, but I’m also very close with a single friend who used a sperm donor. I saw how important it was for her to give her child the opportunity to meet the donor someday. It just felt good to me to go ahead and give another child that chance.”

It is a lovely fact that, as the years go by, we hear of many meaningful connections that have been made. Some children may never feel the need to take that step. But for their mothers, and for us, the important thing is that they have the opportunity.

by Lisa Ferretti

Lisa is Donor Coordinator for Pacific Reproductive Services