You’re thinking of having a baby and wish to use a sperm donor. Should you choose a “willing to be known” donor or an anonymous one? At Pacific Reproductive Services, the large majority of our clients—most of whom are either single or coupled lesbians or heterosexual women choosing single motherhood—select willing to be known donors over the anonymous ones we also offer. From the beginning, we have made recruiting such donors our top priority as a sperm bank because we know our clients very much want their children to have the opportunity, if they choose to pursue it, to understand a little more about the other half of their biological lineage.
How Does It Work To Choose a “Willing to be Known” Donor?
Every WTBK donor contractually agrees to provide PRS current contact information and to have at least one face-to-face meeting with a child when he or she reaches 18, should the child request it. Increasingly, this initial conversation occurs on real-time video such as Skype if a physical meeting is impractical. Any additional meetings must be mutually agreed upon by both the child and the donor. In addition, under California law, the donor waives all parental rights, eliminating the possibility that he could at some point seek custody or visitation privileges.
“I Don’t Know What To Expect, What To Feel”
Cooper was one of the first babies conceived through artificial insemination using a PRS WTBK donor. At the age of 19, he made one of the biggest decisions of his young life. With the full support of the lesbian couple who are his parents, he decided to pursue the option of contacting his sperm donor. With a mixture of nerves, anticipation and a desire for a degree of closure, he filled out the request to Pacific Reproductive Services for the donor’s information.
“I don’t know what to expect, what to feel,” Cooper said. “Just to know his name is pretty great.” His moms were just as nervous. “I just hope it goes well —it’s so momentous,” one commented.
“Such A Moving Experience”
The long-awaited conversation between Cooper and the donor was captured forever by a film crew working on an MTV documentary on gay parents and their children. Connor never stopped smiling as he chatted with the donor who had also been looking forward to the conversation. “It was such a moving experience,” Cooper said, after the call was over. They have continued to stay in contact.
But not all young people now coming of age as part of the first wave of inseminations using our WTBK donors have shown the same interest as Connor and others in making contact. At least not yet. They may at some point in their lives. But the main thing for me—and for their mothers—is that they have that option open to them.
Sherron Mills
Sherron is founder and president of Pacific Reproductive Services