Tag Archives: willing to be known

A Young Man Connects With His Sperm Donor

You’re thinking of having a baby and wish to use a sperm donor. Should you choose a “willing to be known” donor or an anonymous one? At Pacific Reproductive Services, the large majority of our clients—most of whom are either single or coupled lesbians or heterosexual women choosing single motherhood—select willing to be known donors over the anonymous ones we also offer. From the beginning, we have made recruiting such donors our top priority as a sperm bank because we know our clients very much want their children to have the opportunity, if they choose to pursue it, to understand a little more about the other half of their biological lineage.

How Does It Work To Choose a “Willing to be Known” Donor?

Every WTBK donor contractually agrees to provide PRS current contact information and to have at least one face-to-face meeting with a child when he or she reaches 18, should the child request it. Increasingly, this initial conversation occurs on real-time video such as Skype if a physical meeting is impractical. Any additional meetings must be mutually agreed upon by both the child and the donor. In addition, under California law, the donor waives all parental rights, eliminating the possibility that he could at some point seek custody or visitation privileges.

“I Don’t Know What To Expect, What To Feel”

Cooper was one of the first babies conceived through artificial insemination using a PRS WTBK donor. At the age of 19, he made one of the biggest decisions of his young life. With the full support of the lesbian couple who are his parents, he decided to pursue the option of contacting his sperm donor. With a mixture of nerves, anticipation and a desire for a degree of closure, he filled out the request to Pacific Reproductive Services for the donor’s information.

“I don’t know what to expect, what to feel,” Cooper said. “Just to know his name is pretty great.” His moms were just as nervous. “I just hope it goes well —it’s so momentous,” one commented.

“Such A Moving Experience”

The long-awaited conversation between Cooper and the donor was captured forever by a film crew working on an MTV documentary on gay parents and their children. Connor never stopped smiling as he chatted with the donor who had also been looking forward to the conversation. “It was such a moving experience,” Cooper said, after the call was over. They have continued to stay in contact.

But not all young people now coming of age as part of the first wave of inseminations using our WTBK donors have shown the same interest as Connor and others in making contact. At least not yet. They may at some point in their lives. But the main thing for me—and for their mothers—is that they have that option open to them.

Sherron Mills
Sherron is founder and president of Pacific Reproductive Services

A Rare Breed: The “Willing To Be Known” Sperm Donor

First, a little clarification. Most sperm banks use the term “ID Open” to mean a donor who agrees to have his contact information released by a sperm bank to a child at 18 or older, at the child’s request. AT PRS, we term our donors “willing to be known” (WTBK) because we go one step further: they’re required to sign a contract that they’ll have at least one meeting with a child.

These contacts will increasingly take place via real-time video technology such as Skype. After this conversation, both the donor and the child must agree to any additional communication. Although after so many years we cannot guarantee contact, the large majority of requested meetings do happen.

In my many years as a donor coordinator, I have interviewed thousands of potential donors. We accept less than 1 in 25 into our program. Almost all of our accepted donors are WTBK because our primary focus is to meet the special needs of lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual women who want to form alternative families. They typically have a deep interest in having as much knowledge as possible available to their children, should they wish it.

Our WTBK donors tend to share some special characteristics that make them willing to enter what is, after all, a serious, long-term commitment. They are paid more than anonymous donors but that is only one motivation. They tend to be empathetic people who can put themselves in the place of a child who might someday want to know more about his or her origins. Also, they are supportive of women who want to form alternative families and typically have friends or family members who have done so. They really want to help make that dream possible.

This WTBK donor expresses the sentiments of many when he says:

“I’m in my last year of law school and I won’t deny the extra income is pretty helpful, but I’m also very close with a single friend who used a sperm donor. I saw how important it was for her to give her child the opportunity to meet the donor someday. It just felt good to me to go ahead and give another child that chance.”

It is a lovely fact that, as the years go by, we hear of many meaningful connections that have been made. Some children may never feel the need to take that step. But for their mothers, and for us, the important thing is that they have the opportunity.

by Lisa Ferretti

Lisa is Donor Coordinator for Pacific Reproductive Services